It starts with YOU

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I spend a LOT of time on Facebook – just ask my family.  For me, though, it isn’t about searching for some drama to interject myself into.  It also isn’t a place for me to blast to the world my self-pity and lack of self-worth in hopes that a bunch of positive from mostly random strangers will help me feel better about myself.  I like to keep up with ACTUAL news and current events both local and national.  I also use it to find ideas for projects and other things that I enjoy.  NO DRAMA!!  I’ve “unfollowed” and/or “unfriended” many people (both family and friends) because of the constant drama they seek out and/or instigate.  Ok, back to my point – which isn’t about drama on Facebook lol!

One of the things I see over and over as I troll through FB pages and also comments on posts in certain closed groups is people who are perpetually miserable.  They spend so much of their time – literally you can look at their FB and see how much time they spend on their by the posts and comments they have made – either pointing out their own misery in life or having nothing but negative things to say about others.  They’ve literally made a job out of being and promoting misery and negativity.  As you read this is important that you know where I am coming from in being somewhat judgmental about this topic.  I do have mental health issues – I have struggled with major anxiety and depression most of my adult life – to the point of it costing me my military career.  I HAVE BEEN THERE!!  By no means am I about to put myself on some pedestal above others struggling with mental health issues.  They are serious issues that you must get help for and then stay on top of it by self care and self-awareness.  But what separates me from so many of them is that I refused to become my illness.  Every heard of the term “self-fulfilling prophecy?”  In a nutshell it means that what you believe or feel about yourself will come to be.  If you believe there is no hope – you will surely not make it.  If you believe you are damaged, you life’s actions will be that of a damaged person.  If you believe things are out of your control – they will surely be out of your control.  On the flip-side, if you believe you are your past (mistakes, hardships, traumas, indiscretions, whatever) do NOT define you – they surely will NOT.  If you believe you were destined for something better – your future will be 180 from your past.  Some might say “mind of matter” but whatever you call it, your belief and outlook on things WILL determine the outcome.  So back to Facebook trolling, those who are stuck in this constant state of posting negativity and lack of self-worth will always stay in that state until THEY DECIDE they want a different life outcome.

So back to how this post relates to me – this week in the first month of this new year has given me so much elation and joy.  All the bad things and bad choices that make up my past – and MY DECISION to not let them define me truly paid off.  I would also say those things didn’t dictate my attitude towards life but in actually it they did by making me more determined to reverse the trends of my past.  So what was so great about this week?  For the last two years I have been working literally non-stop helping veterans and started a group for women veterans where I live.  In the beginning it was just a thought to have a place for women vets to get together and make friends and also offer support to each other.  It turned into so much more.  I found my calling in life which was to help all veterans in need but especially female vets.  I felt compelled to take this group to the next level and make it some kind of “official” thing.  I found a couple of other like-minded women vets who are now some of my very best friends and we worked beyond our regular day jobs and family responsibilities to serve our sisters and further the reach of our group.  And just as a side-note – these other women that ran this obstacle course with me also did NOT have “perfect” lives and struggled with mental health issues.  So on Monday of this week, I received an IRS determination letter granting us 501(c)3 status.  To some, it’s like “oh congrats” or “that’s cool” but for those of us who have pretty much lived for this group over the past couple of years, this was a HUGE accomplishment.  All of us involved in this process have been “that girl with issues” and at some point in our life had been at the bottom of the barrel and/or thought we were worthless and even suicidal.  So to get a letter in the mail telling us that we CREATE an official non-profit organization was like “WHAAAAAT?”    We ain’t so jacked up after all lol!

So back to that term “self-fulfilling prophecy.”  We truly became what we saw in ourselves.  We did not let our mental health issues or any other thing from our past control the future we wanted for ourselves.  All of us had been, at some point, in that place of “oh my life sucks” and “I’m worthless” and other such thoughts.  The day we individually MADE THE DECISION that WE HAD THE CONTROL over where our futures took us.  I’ve written about this before.  You have to make the CHOICE to spend your life in misery or get off your A%$ and do something about it.  Oh and BTW….you can NOT accomplish that by hiding in your house behind a computer, completely void of actual human interaction.  Messaging people through social media does not count as human interaction.  It’s hard – especially those with social anxiety.  Stop saying “I can’t” because what you say is what will be.  Remember “The little engine that could?”  That isn’t just a kid’s storybook tale.  Make yourself get out of bed.  Make yourself go to a group.  Just MAKE YOURSELF who you want yourself to be!  And anytime you feel inclined to say something or post something on social media – first ask yourself if it is positive or negative.  If it is not positive or encouraging – keep it to yourself.  It really does start with you.  Stop labeling yourself a “victim” and instead a “survivor” I know not everyone agrees with me on this topic but I can almost guarantee the naysayers are those who are still in a place of misery.  The first step is the hardest but it does get easier with each passing step.  And again I want to add that mental health is NO LAUGHING MATTER.  If you are dealing with mental health issues, YOU MUST SEEK HELP!  You must seek counseling of some form.  And don’t think a pill will fix you!!  There are some who truly need the “happy meds” but don’t take that as your first and only option.  A little pill is not going to change how you view yourself.  And no amount of doting by random strangers on Facebook is going to fix your self-worth.  How you feel about yourself is all on you – so start doing things that YOURSELF will be proud of.  I’ll be honest – GOD and CHURCH is what helped me.  It helped me so much more than any professional counseling did.

Ok enough for today because I could literally go on about this all day lol!  Bottom line – you ARE  in control so get busy making it happen!

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