I’m not a writer by any means but I do express myself through writing a lot. Hi my name is Stephanie Seaburg I am an Army Disabled Veteran. So many people (family and Civilian friends) don’t understand my depression or anxiety. They say constantly that I need to get over it. Well easier said than done right? I suffer from anxiety, severe depression and family separation. I am not ashamed of it anymore because I know I’m not alone. It’s not fun!!! People disregard it all the time because I am a pro at hiding everything with a smile and a laugh all while I sometimes I feel like I’m dying on the inside. I struggle everyday but most people do not know that. I try my best to control it and most of the time I’m very successful. As all humans we reach a breaking point and oh my I’m a crier!! I cry about everything and sometimes I don’t even know why I’m crying. That is when my children or my husband are so confused. I am married to another Veteran but we both have different issues (Think it’s a man thing he just don’t get it!) I’ve come to realize after moving back my old friends aren’t the same or is it me that isn’t the same? Some of my depression comes from this. I don’t have the huge group of people that I had before and sometimes I feel very alone. Hoping getting involved with the Women Veterans of CC helps me with this. Anyways back on subject… I struggle with staying on task, memory loss, and physical limitations all of which make my anxiety and depression worse. Then there is the VA… I hate going to see my doctor and she says… change your thinking, think positive, think happy… Well if it was that easy why would I be in your office? It’s very challenging for me to not get mad and yell or lose my tempter in the doctor’s office (I have no patience). I know they are there to help me but sometimes I guess I feel that I want to be left alone. Have I thought about ending my life?? Well yes I have but I have that under control. I refuse to put my parents, my husband, my children or any of my friends through that. I have seen first-hand what that does to family and friends. My heart is on my sleeve and I just can’t do that to anyone. I have been on numerous medications and right now I’m on just 2 and I’m good. You see life is a choice to me. I can choose to seek help and try to get better or I can become a hermit and hate life. I’m too much of a social butterfly to be a hermit so I seek help. I refuse to go into detail my personal issues but I know many of us Veteran Women struggle with our own demons every day.
Just know it is ok to not be ok.
It is ok to cry and want more out of life.
It is ok to scream and let it all out.
Its ok to talk to a friend or hell talk to anyone that listens to you. Not just hears you but listens. Sometimes I just need to talk and have someone listen.
Life is simple but no one said it would be easy. So is you feel the need to take your own life please call for help.
VETERAN CRISIS LINE 1-800-273-8255 Confidential Veteran Chat
Also I’m always here to listen or chat or be a venting post just hit me up!
Wishing everyone the best in 2017 and surround yourself with love and great friends!
Take care Tiggs!!
P.S. my friends call me Tigger


One comment

  1. Nobody understands us like us, that’s what I’ve learned. I’m not sure why, sometimes I feel like my experience is normal, kinda like not knowing your family is dysfunctional until you visit a normal family. They should do a study, really. How did 2 months of boot camp change me so completely? How does 7 years of service override so many years of civilian life? The lessons we learned were so… you can’t put a name to it. Things like managing men. A poker face. Dealing with dependent wives who resent you. That’s a big one! Fighting stereotypes. Keeping your mouth shut. When you think of all the adaptations you had to make to survive in the military, you realize there’s no way you can be ‘normal’ again. Other women are going to look at you funny for a long time.
    I’m sorry about the depression. All I can say is that you’re not alone, even if you feel as though you are. All of us are fighting the same demons, to varying degrees. We are sisters, you know. We grew up with the same psycho uncle, in his crazy house. Maybe we need a halfway house? It gets better though. I’m almost 30 years post military and I can do a pretty good interpretation of a civilian. Most days!

    Liked by 1 person

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